Jeremy C...Hunt

This clip was recorded from Sky News at 11.35pm on 30th October 2015 at the start of the newspaper review section.

The newscaster is not the first person who has made this slip trying to say the name "Jeremy Hunt"

Apologies for the poor sound quality, but the clip was recorded on a mobile phone.

Sloppy Journalism

A recent article in the Daily Telegraph on the subject of online banking payments included the following sentence:

 

For this to be true, an individual would have to make more than 1,643,835 transactions per day; equivalent to more than 68,493 per hour, 1,141 per minute or 19 per second.

Canny Linguist thinks this is highly improbable.

In the old days, newspapers would employ competent sub-editors to correct such nonsense before publication.

Bigots begone!

Conservative Education Secretary Nicky Morgan recently declared a “war on illiteracy.” As if to demonstrate the need, the BBC today published a Press Association photograph of a placard being held by anti-UKIP protesters in Rotherham, the town in Yorkshire where, for years, the loony left has ignored the serial sexual abuse of young girls.

If you are going to accuse someone of bigotry, at least learn how to spell the word.

The purpose of the demonstration was to prevent Nigel Farage from making a public appearance. It is somewhat ironic that those who claim UKIP to be an intolerant political party are themselves intolerant of the right to free speech by anyone who dares to disagree with them; but that’s Socialism for you.

A sign of the times

The headline in today’s Sunday Times reads “All children must learn times tables”. According to the article:

Nicky Morgan, the education secretary, today unveils a “war on illiteracy and innumeracy”, warning that a future Tory government will remove head teachers who fail to ensure every pupil knows their times tables off by heart.

The Prime Minster joined in the act by Tweeting:

  

Nicky Morgan is right to ensure all pupils leave primary school able to read, write & do times tables. Everyone deserves a chance in life.
— David Cameron (@David_Cameron) February 1, 2015

If there is to be a war on illiteracy, then perhaps those who should know better could start the campaign by referring to ‘multiplication tables’ and not ‘times tables’. You do not, as many people sadly believe, times one number by another. You multiply.

How many multiplications must people be told to speak proper?

 

For crimes against punctuation

Canny Linguist does not condone violence, but it is perhaps understandable why political commentator Iain Dale decided to attack an anti nuclear demonstrator at the Labour Party conference in Brighton.

It wasn’t, as widely reported, that Mr Dale was unhappy with the protestor’s attempt to disrupt a TV interview with Damien McLie. Rather, it was the misuse of the apostrophe on the dog’s placard which incurred his wrath. 

The existence of God proven?

The Barnet Eye has published a blog entitled Blasphemy Special – the right to free speech. It links to a Tweet published by renowned atheist Richard Dawkins.

Help. I'm about to be jailed for making derogatory comments about the Flying Spaghetti Monster http://t.co/1Y2GpWJoov
— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) September 9, 2013

This, in turn, links to an article on the Bangladeshi Daily Star website which reports that four bloggers are facing long jail sentences in Dhaka for making allegedly blasphemous remarks. The article includes the following sentence, referring to one of the defendants:

“Asif was arrested on April 3 at an Uttara hospital where he had been undergoing treatment for fatal stab injuries he had sustained in an attack on January 14.”

The fact that this man appears to have recovered from fatal injuries surely proves that the believers are right and Dawkins is wrong?

Sunday Lunch

Seen outside a hotel in Bournemouth recently. Click photo to enlarge.

When else would you expect to have Sunday lunch served, if not on Sundays?

Government Minister seeks to change the English Language

According to a report in The Grauniad, the Department for Transport has issued a five page document offering grammatical advice for civil servants and MPs. Given that many of them are barely literate, this is long overdue. However, the quality of the advice proffered is open to question. For example, the guide states that the word ‘firstly’ should not appear anywhere other than the start of a sentence. The word ‘firstly’ should not appear at all! Rather, the word ‘first’ should be used.

The newspaper article claims that Canny Linguist's MP, Theresa Villiers, the Minister for Transport, has forbidden the use of the words ‘whilst’ and ‘with regards to’ within her department. CL has written to Ms Villiers seeking confirmation of the report.

Whilst MPs are, of course, entitled to their views on language usage, CL was not aware that Orwell's prophecy with regards to ‘newspeak’ formed part of the Coalition agreement. This situation is reminiscent of the attempt by former Prime Minister, Tony B Liar, to have Latin words such as ‘writ’ and ‘habeas corpus’ removed from our vocabulary.

English is a rich and diverse language, constantly changing, with some words falling out of favour through natural evolution. However, when politicians start dictating which words can and cannot be used, it is a clear sign that democratic civilisation has formally ended.

The secret ingredient?

Hot on the heels of Cock Soup, now comes a range of products made with…er Aborigines. Unless the manufacturer has developed a food range suitable for cannibals, perhaps they should fire their advertising proof reader? Once again, a salutary reminder for writers not to rely on spill chuckers.

(Click on image to enlarge)

Harry Potter and the Universal Translator

Canny Linguist has just taken delivery of the complete 8 film DVD box set chronicling the adventures of Mr Harold Potter and his chums. A £20 bargain from Amazon (less 5% student discount). The Met Office has predicted a mild winter which means, of course, that we need to batten down the hatches and stock up on movies to while away those winter evenings.

Due to the preponderance of the incidental music, and the tendency of modern film stars to mumble their lines, CL often watches DVDs with the subtitles turned on. He was interested, therefore, to note the language choices available to him:

English, Arabic, Greek, Icelandic, German, Hebrew, Bulgarian, Hungarian, Romanian, Estonian, Latvian, Lithuanian and Russian.

Most of the DVDs are also dubbed into other languages which means you can, for example, watch the film in Russian and follow with English subtitles. What a brilliant way to learn a new language!

Scabs and cu*ts: the language of choice for swivel-eyed Trots

Warning: this blogpost contains very strong language which some readers may find offensive.


The English Language is rich and colourful, especially in the choice of words we use to insult each other with.

Citizen Barnet, a left wing blogger, recently posted an article entitled: Support the pensions strikes! Don't scab!

According to the Cambridge University on-line dictionary, a scab is defined as: "an insulting word for a person who continues working while other people in the organization are on strike."

Citizen Barnet, aka VickiM57, admitted that she doesn’t actually like the word but used it anyway because “that’s the word people use.” As Catherine Tate’s Gran would say, what a load of old shit! There are countless alternative and polite ways of describing people who choose not to go on strike. The word ‘scab’ is clearly designed to be offensive in order to intimidate those not willing to be pushed around by left wing militant thugs. VickiM57 used the word ‘scab’ deliberately and without remorse.

It is somewhat ironic that a few days earlier, the loony left in Barnet were complaining about offensive remarks made by Conservative Councillor John Hart at a public meeting. Cllr Hart was undoubtedly wrong to mimic and mock a member of the public, but that didn’t stop the hypocrites of the left in using offensive language themselves when it came to criticising their opponents.

Which brings us on to the Jeremy Clarkson incident. Clarkson suggested that public sector strikers should be “taken out and executed”. This was self evidently intended as a joke, but the excerpt repeated by some sections of the media was taken out of context because it did not include his comment leading up to the now infamous remark in which he had given his support to the strikers.





There cannot be anyone on the planet who does not realise that Clarkson frequently makes similarly provocative comments simply to create a reaction. If you don’t like what he has to say, or the way that he says it, you don’t have to listen to him. But the swivel eyed Trots simply cannot bear the thought of anyone expressing an opinion that is contrary to their deluded and misguided belief system.

Former Daily Mirror Editor, Piers Moron, posted a Tweet calling Clarkson a “nasty little twerp”.

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Moron is an odious turd and quite possibly the only human being on the planet who proves that even controversial councillor Brian Coleman has some redeeming features.

Canny Linguist tweeted about the hypocrisy of those who attacked Clarkson’s choice of words but were happy to use offensive language themselves. Citizen Barnet took umbrage at this, complaining that she had not hitherto given her views about “that cunt Clarkson”.


She subsequently Tweeted that the ‘cunt’ comment was only a joke.


Fair enough, but it does rather prove CL’s point. People with right wing views are not allowed to make jokes. That’s the preserve of the loony left who conveniently forget that freedom of speech includes the right to be provocative.

These militants simply cannot bear the fact that the majority of people in this country do not share their deluded views, and they will use whatever language they can to try and denigrate, belittle or humiliate their opponents. They care not that we have been driven to the verge of bankruptcy by Gordon Brown and his rabid economic policies. They think that money grows on the tree at the bottom of the garden. They refuse to accept that we cannot have what we cannot afford. They are quite happy to force our children and grandchildren into a life of penury, simply so that they can continue to receive unaffordable and unfunded pensions which are not available to the majority of workers in the private sector.

For ten years and more we borrowed money to gorge ourselves on cheap goods from China. Is it any wonder that we are now broke and have no manufacturing base to speak of? Our ancestors knew that you had to earn money before you could spend it. We must now reap what we have sewn. The austerity measures will be painful, of that there is no doubt, but we have had the good times and now they must be paid for.

The pensions crisis has been looming for generations as life expectancy continues to increase at a rapid rate. Successive governments have ignored this problem for short term political expediency. It cannot be ignored any longer. If the left refuse to understand this simple concept, they won’t need to be taken out and shot. We will all die from poverty instead.

We have ways of making you laugh!

British Prime Minister David Cameron has come under attack for his recent attempt at an Australian accent. According to the Daily Torygraph, the attempted impersonation of Australian PM Julia Gillard is being described by some as a diplomatic insult.



It is not the first time that Mr Cameron’s impersonation skills have been called into question. In 2009, he attempted a German accent in a discussion about ID cards.




Of course, these two examples pale into insignificance when compared to David Cameron’s quite horrendous impersonation of a Conservative MP.

Hard to swallow?

The secret ingredient doesn’t bear thinking about!




This soup is made in Jamaica. The salutary lesson for manufacturers is always to check whether your product needs to be renamed for overseas markets where seemingly innocuous words often have a different meaning.

Drat! Spiffing old words dying out.

A report in the Daily Telegraph claims that many English words are dying out due to the popularity of texting.

Click here for the full story - although it's probably balderdash.

Punctuation saves lives!

Where I have and have not been

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognises you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore. I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm. Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favourite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

Four and twenty virgins

Once upon a time it was claimed that rugby was a game for hooligans, played by gentlemen. Inappropriate behaviour was confined to the signing of lewd songs such as this:

Four and twenty virgins came down from Inverness,
And when the ball was over there were four and twenty less…

The composer of this ditty was clearly not a linguist. Four and twenty less? Four and twenty fewer!

Can anyone think of a place name that rhymes with fewer?

Pinker joins the ranks of loopy linguists

Canny Linguist has a very low opinion of Noam Chomsky, considered by many to be a linguistic genius.

In the late 1950s, Chomsky developed his innateness hypothesis which promulgated the concept of a genetic disposition to acquire language. This innate ability is widely referred to as the Language Acquisition Device. However, students of classical Greek philosophy will recognise that Chomskian theory is, in fact, based on work by Socrates who, through a series of experiments, demonstrated how a young slave was able to solve a geometric problem despite not ever having been taught geometry.

Taking the credit for someone else’s research is not new, but CL’s real issue with Chomsky is the latter’s abhorrent political views. Or, rather, the way that Chomsky seeks to intellectualise every issue, and belittle and vilify anyone who dares to hold a contrary position.

Which leads us on to Steven Pinker, another renowned linguist. Pinker has won considerable praise for his numerous books on language, written in a style accessible to linguists, students and the general public. In his latest book ‘The Better Angels of Our Nature’ he argues that, contrary to popular belief, society has become less violent over time. Statistics are used to support his theory; for example 150,000 Iraqi deaths compared to 2 million in Vietnam. Atrocities such as the Nazi Holocaust are merely statistical blips. Well, that’s all right then.

When interviewed by Tony Allen-Mills for the Sunday Times, Pinker explained that the reason we mere mortals are prone to challenge his book’s rather startling conclusion is simply because we do not understand the facts of the matter. He is a very clever man, don’t you know, and, unlike us, he has studied this subject in great detail.

Pinker is, of course, entitled to his opinion but once academics start claiming that non-academics cannot possibly understand the argument, it is a sign that perhaps it is they who do not understand. Not every question can be answered by mere statistical analysis.

Watching the current BBC series on Language with Stephen Fry, it is impossible to escape the conclusion that he, too, has become consumed by hubris as he pontificates in an insufferably pompous and patronising manner.

CL wonders whether there is something about the study of linguistics in particular which makes people say stupid things. If so, will that be a valid excuse if his next English essay fails to meet the mark?!

Don’t Hari back

Disgraced journalist Johann Hari, who has now apologised for his acts of plagiarism - and finally admitted the wanton alteration of his opponents’ Wikipedia entries - is taking a leave of absence from The Independent newspaper in order to enrol on a journalism training course. Hopefully not the same one attended by Andy Coulson.

As he left the paper, a contrite Hari said: “It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.” (Are you sure about this? Ed.)

Can you read this?

This is a newer version of something that's been around for quite some time. If you can read it, you have a strong mind.

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